A Gaara Story: Birthday Edition
by Bakurasplaymate
Summary: It's Gaara's Birthday and no one is showing up. However, Gaara, Deidara, and Sasori have their own ways of having fun. No, it's not yaoi, but it's funny as hell. Rated for Gaara and Deidara's dirty mouth.


**BPM: I'm just going to state, that this is almost a true story. It happened with me and two of my friends, on my 17****th**** B-Day party. **

**Gaara: Fun party too. **

**BPM: Yeah. I'm Gaara, or suppose to be anyway. My other friend Kella is Deidara while my other, other friend Jackie is Sasori. **

**Gaara: Yeah. Fun times. **

**BPM: Sakura is suppose to be my aunt while Lee is my Aunts boyfriend. I'll explain later why Gaara is acting like that toward Lee. It's a pretty funny story. **

**Gaara: Yeah. And that you like Gaara and Lee pairings.**

**BPM: Not in this case. Anyway, enjoy chapter 1 of "A Gaara Story: Birthday Edition."**

"GAARA!!! GET THE HELL OUT OF BED!"

"Wha…?"

"COME ON! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY AND YOU HAVE A LOT TO DO! GET UP!"

"Screw my birthday, I need sleep!"

"NO, LITTLE BROTHER! THAT WON'T DO! GET UP, EAT BREAKFAST, AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM! YOUR PARTY IS AT FOUR AND EVERYONE IS COMING OVER. NOW GET A MOVE ON!"

"OHHHH!!! Fine. But only on one condition."

"AND THAT WOULD BE?"

"STOP YELLING IN THE FUCKING MEGAPHONE NEXT TO MY EAR!!!!" Temari flew back into the wall as Gaara lifted himself off his bed to look around.

Yep… It was his room all right. Same "Freddy vs. Jason" poster. Same hamster cage on the other side of the room. Same dumbass sister who keeps waking him up at ungodly hours in the morning. Speaking of which, said sister had gotten up from the floor and was now on her way to… OPEN THE CURTAINS!?!?

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" But Gaara was too late. The heavy curtains were raised and the sunlight flooded the room.

"AHHH IT BURNS!!!" Grabbing his thick covers, he tossed them over his red head while hissing at his blond bubble headed sister.

"Oh get over it you vampire! It won't kill you. Now get up and get dressed before I get Konkuro in here." Temari gave a triumphant smile as Gaara slowly crawled out from his covers. She knew she had won the battle. She remembered last time she got Konkuro to wake up Gaara. Not only had Konkuro put his puppet in an ungodly position with Gaara in his bed, he also took pics and put them up on his Myspace. Gaara never forgave him.

"You are one sick woman." He said with venom pouring from his mouth.

"I know, but it got you up didn't it?" She mad a high-pitched giggle and left the room. Gaara stared at the door where she previously stood.

"I will kill you…"

"Hey Gaara, keep it down. Just because it's your birthday and you have to get up, doesn't mean that everyone else has to wake up, yeah."

"Shut up Deidara! I let you stay at my house for three days and this is how you repay me. You know what, if it sucks for you to be here so bad, then leave! I'm sure if you start walking, you might reach your house around Sunday."

"Aw Gaara, don't be such a jackass. I know you're on your period, but damn!" Gaara's eye twitched and just as soon as it finished, Deidara was upside down on the ground with a pillow shoved in his face.

"If anyone is going to have girl problems, it's going to be you, you damn Barbie bitch."

"HEY! Don't compare me to her! My hair is at least ten times as gorgeous as her's!" The blond folded his arms across his chest and smiled proudly. Gaara gave the "What the fuck?" look and got out of bed.

"My gourd, you are a bitch." He headed to his dresser and started looking. Sadly, his desired item wasn't looking so well.

"Hey, do you think next time you are out getting panties, do you think you can pick me up some eyeliner. I'm running out." He picked up his pathetic matchstick of an eyeliner pencil and proceeded to paint his eyes with it. Deidara glared at the red head and got out of his sleeping bag. He let out a long yawn and made a luxurious stretch before slowly moving to his desired spot next to Gaara in front of the mirror.

"Sure thing, fire crotch. You know, you're getting better at the comebacks. Of course, you will never be as good as me, un." Using his fingers as a comb, Deidara brushed his long beautiful hair until it got to the right style. Gaara looked to his left and made a small smile.

"Yeah, I had a feeling. Come on, let's go before Temari has a fit. It's almost twelve and I got shit I have to do." Deidara nodded and they made their way out of the room.

When they made it to the front room, Temari was sitting on the couch watching some TV, nothing good of course. Gaara took his place on the opposite couch while Deidara took his place next to him.

"……………….."

"………………."

"………………."

"……….Fuck this, I'm hungry. Want some ramen?" The red head made his way into the kitchen as Deidara got up excitedly shaking with happiness.

"Yeah! You know, I never understand it though. Why use an oven when you can use the microwave? It's easier."

"I'm sorry, I do things the old fashioned way. My gourd!" Gaara took out a giant pot and filled it with water while adding two packages of Ramen noodles. As if on cue, Konkuro came down the stairs, a small glimmer in his eyes.

"OMGWTFBBQ?!?! RM3N!!! 111!!eleven!!! I iz 3zing it! G!mm!3 sum!!!" If Gaara wasn't irritated before, he was now. That damn n00b of a brother of his always wanted what he was having. He glanced at Deidara who smiled weakly and looked back at his brother.

"No! You have to eat your cereal! You made Temari buy it, now eat it!" Konkuro gave off a look of horror.

"I CAN'T EATZ THOSE!!!! Itz teh satanic cereal!" Yet again, Gaara made the "What the fuck?" look.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Konkuro ran, grabbed a bowl, milk, and the box of Rice Crispies. He poured said cereal into the bowl and grabbed the milk.

"Listenz to teh ebil cereal!!!1!!" He poured the milk into the bowl and all was silent.

"Snap…" Normal.

"Crackle…" Also normal.

"Pop…" Okay…

"snapcrackleIwillkillyourfamilypop…" ………

"WHAT THE HELL?!?!" Gaara and Deidara were up against the stove staring at the offending cereal. With another glace at Konkuro he made the decision.

"Yeah… you can have ramen with us…"

**Time jump due to lazy author **

After the ramen was finished, the mess cleaned and everyone full, the phone rang. Gaara picked it up and glanced at the caller ID.

"Heh! It's Sasori." He clicked the on button.

"Hello?"

"Hey! What's up?"

"Nothing much. What about you?"

"Nothing. Me and Deidara just finished ramen, When are you coming over?"

"I'll be over there as soon as you hang up the… "

-click-

"Hey, Sasori's coming over." Deidara looked up and nodded. It looks like not everyone was totally up yet.

"Well, we have about a half hour to kill before Sasori come over and another hour to kill before the party starts up. What do you want to do?"

"Oh! We can play my game!"

"Game? Oh yeah! Naruto: Ultimate Ninja 2! ((What has this world come to? xD )) Come on, I can't wait to try it out again." So the two made it back up to Gaara's room where the Play Station was turned on and the game loading. Gaara took one controller and Deidara took the other. Gaara only had one controller so he begged Deidara to bring his. That way they could both face each other. Gaara had Naruto: Ultimate Ninja so he already new the basics. But Deidara's game had one thing Gaara's didn't.

"Mmmmm… Itachi. Oh yeah! I'm so playing him!" Gaara quickly selected said character and waited anxiously for Deidara to pick his character.

"That's fine. When I play him, I usually always win. I'll play Gaara!" The blond selected his character and the game was on!

"I would like to warn you, Barbie, I am the king of this game! Let's see if you can handle me." With the cockiest smirk Gaara got ready to face of with his friend, but when looking at the screen he realized how similar Deidara's character was to himself. He shrugged it off a waited for the okay to start to beat the crap out of Deidara's character.

"Okay, fire crotch, you're on!" The game started and random buttons were pressed. Gaara's character was fast. Itachi did rule as a fighter in this game. Gaara knew for sure, he would win this game in no time! Itachi was getting closer to Gaara. Pressing the circle button three times, he made sure to use his top attack. When Itachi was right on top of Gaara, all of Gaara's dreams were lost. Deidara used a sand block, canceling out Itachi's attack. After that, Gaara just put down the controller. Deidara had the biggest smirk on his face as his character pummeled Gaara's character into dust with what seemed to be a bazillion sand attacks. After what seemed like three seconds, Deidara was made the winner and the game over. Gaara sat with his mouth open while Deidara put his controller down.

"Are you serious?!"

"Yep. The end. You lost Gaara. I guess the great Itachi can be beaten."

"…….NO! NO FUCKING WAY! NO! YOUR CHARACTER IS A CHEATING WHORE! JUST LIKE IN MY GAME! There is no way! This sucks! In my game, Hinata, Orochimaru, and Naruto are all cheating whores! No! You know what? Your game sucks! Don't talk to me!" Gaara threw the controller on the ground and went to reading his manga that Deidara gave him for his birthday.

"You know Gaara, just because you suck ass at playing, doesn't mean all the characters are cheating whores…"

"Yes it does! Itachi didn't even get a single hit in! Gaara kick his ass with his cheating his sand attacks! No way! As soon as Itachi got his power up, BOOF!!! He was dead. He didn't even stand a chance! Cheating whore! Shut up, I'm reading!" He turned back to his manga and all was silent. That is, until a knock was made at the door.

"I think that's Sasori."

"Shut up, cheating whore. I'll get the door." Gaara got up and opened his bedroom door. There, standing with a bag and DDR Super Nova, was Sasori.

"Hey! Come on in. Here, I'll put DDR in. Oh. And don't mind the cheating whore sitting there." Sasori looked at Deidara while the blond shrugged his shoulders. Sasori, in turn, nodded and sat down.

"Hey Gaara. What's up with the hamster? You got a new one right?"

"Oh yeah! I got him a few days ago. His name is Tobi. He doesn't like anyone though. He refuses to let me hold him." Gaara went to the hamster cage and put his finger through the small bars, slightly poking his hamster. In turn, said hamster jumped five feet into the air and started viciously hissing at Gaara.

"AH! Jesus! Damn hamster. I swear, it gets worse everyday. He keeps biting me and never lets me hold him. He's a jackass hamster." Deidara chuckled at Gaara.

"Are you sure it's not because he's a cheating whore?"

"No I'm sure. You're the only cheating whore I know."

"Ha ha. Nice." Gaara whet back to the game, taking a controller while Sasori took the other because Gaara was convinced that Deidara was a cheating whore. How anyone could cheat in DDR is a mystery, but Gaara would have found a way to blame something on Deidara.

**5-Minute Time Jump**

"You know", said Gaara, "This game is so cool. I swear, nothing, not even the cheating whore can kill my mood!."

"HELLOOOOOOO!!!! GAARA!!! I MISSED YOU!!!"

No… No fucking way! That voice, that loud obnoxious voice. Why God? Please don't let it be…

"Sakura…"

"Hey Gaara! I missed you sooo much. Happy Birthday!" She came into the room holding a small pink envelope. Coming up behind her was her new boyfriend who Gaara thought she was incapable of getting. His black hair was straightened, hanging over his right eye. He wore a fishnet shirt with forest green Tripp Pants. Over his net shirt was a black hoodie with the words "Lotus" printed in Lucida Blackletter font. Gaara was in heaven.

"Hey, Lee." Lee looked up, his eyes also outlined in the ebony pencil that Gaara was all too familiar with. He flipped his hair and smirked as he held up two fingers up in the air. His nails were painted black and Gaara nearly had a heart attack when he talked.

"Hey, Gaara. Long time no talk to. I swear, it must have been weeks."

"I know…" Gaara stated as he stared at the goth god in front of him.

"So what are you guys playing?" 

"DDR. Wanna play?"

"No. It's not really my thing. I'm more of a Guitar Hero person myself."

"Really? That's so awesome…"

"Hey, Gaara… You hate Guitar Hero." Gaara tackled Deidara to the ground, covering his mouth.

"What are you talking about? Of course I love Guitar Hero." Gaara made a smile toward Lee, as Lee returned the favor. Sakura on the other hand saw what was going on and quickly interrupted.

"Gaara! You should totally open my gift!" Gaara looked at the pink envelope and slowly opened it. Inside was a gift certificate to a nail place that Sakura went to.

"Um… Nice?"

"It's cool, Gaara. That's where I go to get my nails done all the time." Gaara's expression changed as soon as he heard Lee say those words.

"OMG! Thank you!!! It's the best present ever!"

"I'm glad to hear it, Gaara." Sakura said. "Well, anyway. Me and Lee need to get going. We'll talk to you later." Sakura turned and grabbed Lee's shirt as they both walked out of the room.

"Thanks for the gift, Lee!"

"Dude. Sakura gave you the gift."

"NO SHE DIDN'T!!!!" Gaara screamed as he tackled Deidara for the second time. Sasori just stood in the corner, still playing his game that he brought over.

"GAARA! GET YOUR FRIENDS OUT HERE! THE PIZZA'S HERE!!!"

"Alright Temari, just STOP SCREAMING INTO THE MEGAPHONE!"

"OKAY!" She said as she turned and left. The boys looked a each other and an sighed. They made their way out of Gaara's room and into the kitchen. The Party was just about to start.

**BPM: Okay Explanation time. It's a big joke in my family that my aunt's boyfriend shouldn't be with her and he should be with me because we have so much more in common. However, that would be weird because of the age difference. It's just so funny how different those two are compared to him and me.**

**Gaara: Considering the fact that your aunt id paranoid because you might take him away from her. **

**BPM: She's an idiot. Anyway, this is chapter one. Hope you enjoyed it. **

**Gaara: Review Damn you!!!**

**BPM: Damn Gaara! Watch your fucking mouth! XP**


End file.
